Who had it the worst?

[greer]

But Claudia still had 2 parents who supported her and loved her and she had a good relationship with them. You expect the death of a sick grandparent more than a healthy and young parent. Despite how close Mimi and Claudia were, her whole world was not thrown into total upheavel. Everyone had been preparing Mimi's death, basically. Personally I think Claudia was lucky to have had Mimi for as long as she did. All four of my grandparents were dead before I finished first grade.

[Rie]

^I agree. A dying parent is much more worst than a dying grandparent. And I also agree a lot,that Claudia is lucky to have Mimi for such a long time.

[booboobrewer]

Yeah, I agree that she had more support. The levels of emotional/personal upheaval for the girls of course can be seen as unequal because Claudia knew Mimi was old and ready to go, and Abby obviously didn't have that. I was just saying that this doesn't make Mimi's death any less painful than Abby's dad's, and that personal perspective comes into play when we judge who had it the worst.

[greer]

Yes but once Claudia finished her grief process, it'd be pretty much over. Yes, she'd miss Mimi, but the residual grief from the death of Abby's dad would be much stronger. Every time something significant happens in Abby's life, from high school graduation to college to marriage to having a child, she would think of how her dad could have been with her, had he driven to work a little differently that day. Not only was she deprived of a parent, but her children were deprived of a grandparent as well. This is why I think Abby's dad's death is more painful than Mimi's. The "triggers" aren't so strong.

Maybe it's just me though. Claudia and the Sad Good-Bye doesn't really upset me at all.

[booboobrewer]

Claudia and Mimi just seemed to have a very strong bond...Mimi nurtured her a lot. I'm only speaking to that bond; if they hadn't shared as many special times together as they did and if Claudia hadn't emphasized how meaningful their relationship had been to her life, I'd see it a bit differently. Plus...everyone grieves differently. But, as I've said before, Abby seemed to have been hit the hardest. I just felt a bit sensitive for Claudia after reading the post about what problems could she possibly have.

[greer]

i actually think claudia's school problems are harder to deal with than people seem to think in this thread. I did really badly in 7th and 8th grade, so I can relate. It's hard to constantly feel like you're stupid, even though you know you're not. I can't imagine how I would have felt at this time if I had a sister like Janine who always did so well.

[aln1982]

booboobrewer said:

Claudia and Mimi just seemed to have a very strong bond...Mimi nurtured her a lot. I'm only speaking to that bond; if they hadn't shared as many special times together as they did and if Claudia hadn't emphasized how meaningful their relationship had been to her life, I'd see it a bit differently. Plus...everyone grieves differently. But, as I've said before, Abby seemed to have been hit the hardest. I just felt a bit sensitive for Claudia after reading the post about what problems could she possibly have.

I agree. I think the worst thing about the deaths is it being a parent and I saw Mimi as sort of Claudia's mom since she seemed to be the one who really raised her. And Claudia assumed Mimi was the only one who understood her so it was like she lost her whole support system, which contributed to school problems (which I am so thankful that I can't relate to because to me, this would be the worst thing to have trouble in school).
To agree with another of your points, booboo, personal perspective is definitely important, I think. Right now, I'm thinking that Stacey had it worst not because of her situation in the books as much as in the future. (Sorry to bring this up again as I know everyone is probably sick of my personal stories ;D) I'm thinking about this especially today as my aunt with Type 1 diabetes like Stacey has to have risky eye surgery tomorrow that may make her eyes worse but if she doesn't get it done, she will be blind for sure. And her heart is not doing well - all because of the diabetes and the problems it causes. Not to sound cold about dealing with death but from my perspective right now with thinking about my aunt, death of a parent does get better as the hurt decreases over time (though not totally, I know) but diabetes is something that continues to cause greater problems as life goes on.

[greer]

i think mimi's death allowed for claudia's relationship with her parents to improve.

[aln1982]

^ I think it should have but I'm not sure how much it did. I think it did some but not as much as it could have if she would have given them more of a chance.
Also, I forgot to mention that I agree with Sotypical that Abby and Anna basically lost their mom when their dad died. I always saw them as raising themselves, too, especially after reading Abby's Book.

[greer]

It seemed hopeful on Sanibel, but it feels like their mom never followed through with it.

[aln1982]

^ That's the impression I got, too. In some books, I didn't mind Mrs. Stevenson but in others, she seemed so distant. And the wearing the dad's bathrobe around creeped me out. Also, there was her lack of communication in Mystery Baby....

[greer]

Yeah, mystery baby was really weird. Abby's family seemed pretty dysfunctional in general--like how gran and her sister were fighting for years and years over weight watchers.

[Deleted]

I would say Claudia.

[Deleted]

I'd agree with Abby. Along with the death of her father, health problems, and workaholic mother, I got the impression that she was a very lonely person. It seemed that most days, she came home from school to an empty house, and when her mom and sister weren't home, they didn't communicate much. I always thought her jokes masked something inside she didn't want to talk about, and it would come out at the worst possible time.

I thought Jessi had it easiest. Her family was very supportive, she seemed to make friends very easily (although they were one-time mentions - like Wendy and Sanjita), and she had a talent that she could potentially go far with.

[aln1982]

^ Interesting perspective on Abby feeling lonely and one I agree with. I had never thought of it in those terms, exactly, but have always thought that her jokes are to mask the pain and problems and are her way of coping with the situation. Also another problem Abby has is the communication problems in her extended family. Those can have reprecussions - even from distant relatives.